Apr

20

Optimistic, Pessimistic or Realistic?

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In previous posts, I’ve written about being as open-minded as possible in order to build an Accurate Model of Reality.  As readers of this site know, I am extremely pessimistic/skeptical about the future financial success and viability of the US.  As such, does that fact automatically peg me as a “pessimist”?  I don’t think so.

My worldview isn’t solely a function of the financial markets, it is a function of trying to understand the world around me, focus on the positive and, most importantly, be thankful that things could be much worse.

I think part of that mindset comes from determining what really matters in life.  I’ve been around very rich and successful people and they did not seem satisfied in their lives.  In fact, they consumed as much alcohol, rich food, and distracting “entertainment” as poorer people.  The best things in life are good health and being able to share your love and talents with others.

I’ve come to realize that the ugly reality of the daily grind helps us appreciate the everyday happiness right in front of our face.  Clean water, delicious and plentiful food, libraries full of books and constant entertainment/amusement/enlightenment from the Internet.

When you have a chance to truly slow down the “frames” in the movie of life and compare it to that of other people’s movies or other time periods in history, it is truly a privilege to be alive. The fact that you’re reading this article on a computer or phone(!) is proof enough that you have access to the greatest knowledge base in all of mankind.  The richest people only 25 years ago could not access the very information you have available to you at your whim.

Gratitude, or “everyday happiness”, comes from slowing down.  It also comes from being made aware of worse situations, either those you experienced firsthand, or that which you observe or conceptualize.

I struggled financially for quite a few years before slowly building some savings.  I’ve eaten poorly and had periods of ill health before realizing how important good health is.  I’ve been incredibly lonely before finding someone to share my life with.  I’ve faked enjoying late nights at crowded, filthy bars before realizing I could enjoy the peace and comfort of my apartment reading thought-provoking books or articles.

I remember a few years back in Chicago, I bought an expensive piece of Gruyere cheese from Whole Foods.  I took a very sharp paring knife and sliced a razor thin piece and let it melt and dissolve on my tongue.  Even though I wasn’t able to save any money during that period, I really enjoyed and savored that piece of cheese.  Nowadays, I wouldn’t think twice about buying a piece of expensive cheese, but I doubt I would enjoy it as much now as I did then.  The difference?  Enjoyment and gratitude.

Yes, the next few years will be incredibly difficult.  The markets will suffer horribly, a currency crisis is not impossible and our standards of living will contract.  Does that make me pessimistic?  No.  Life will still be wonderful as long as we have our health and our sense of gratitude.

To read more about creating an Accurate Model of Reality, click here.

Mar

29

Life Lessons from Dodgeball

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I played dodgeball last week on my lunch break.  I go one day a week to an elementary school and have the opportunity, through work, to volunteer.  It’s safe to say I had more fund playing dodgeball than in my entire week at work.  The experience was something I definitely wanted to share.

Having children is no picnic, but connecting with them definitely keeps us young and helps us remember the positive aspects of our youth as they fade away each passing day.  That afternoon of dodgeball gave me a moment to have some of my freedom back and to do something I genuinely enjoyed doing.

Life is not always easy.  It can be a grind to put up with the banalties of work and the stress of having adult responsibilities.  Painful failures with the opposite sex, work and our own stupidity can harden us to world.  It’s worth fighting to keep a portion of you that holds on to the past when recess was what mattered, not work or the other stresses that accompany our lifestyle.

Throwing a dodgeball around during lunch gave me a moment that rich food or drink simply could not match.  It was a unique experience that left me a much happier person.  I have noticed that when helping others or doing what I intrinsically find satisfying, I feel much happier.  If you’re dissatisfied at work, try playing a sport with a child or doing something genuinely kind for someone.  I’ve found both of these things help to turn a bad day into a good one.

To read more about finding happiness in unexpected places, read here

Jan

23

Honesty in Relationships

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I am making a concerted effort to generate original, useful content for this blog. I don’t want to turn this website into a “what he said” website. Despite my intentions, I feel compelled to share the following article from a great thinker.

Steve Pavlina has a great new article about relationships on his site. I encourage you to read it.

When I was in college, I often struggled interacting with women. I used to despise parties, filthy bars and low-quality alcohol. I wasn’t able to connect well with people at the parties and something always seemed phony about the atmosphere. Why so crowded? Why so loud? Why so dark? I always found parties and clubs to be an assault on one’s senses.

At the time, I felt there was something wrong with me for not enjoying the bar/party scene. I never understood the appeal of waiting in line for 35 minutes to (literally) piss away money on alcohol with women that were totally incompatible with me and who I had no interest in. The more I tried to force myself to enjoy the scene, the less interested I became.

After the college scene, I moved on to a less bar/frat-party scene and went to parties with friends of friends. These were far better than the parties in college since my “crowd” tended to be young professionals who weren’t there to get smashed.

What I learned from these types of parties was that a more comfortable, open setting was more conducive to engaging in real conversation with a real woman.

To take it one step further, I found my highest level of comfort when I totally disengaged from the party atmosphere and just engaged a woman one on one in dialogue. This is how I met my current long-time girlfriend and best friend.

I was working/commuting about 11 hours a day and had little time/patience to try and meet a girl at a bar; I realized the best way to connect would be by phone. Since I knew that this particular lady (a friend of a friend) was well-educated and down to earth, I began to engage her in conversation, first over email and then over the phone. As we talked more and more, we both began to discover each others value systems, attitudes and habits. It was this critical stage which was key to really moving past friendship and becoming lovers. Conversely, in bars and parties these types of conversations were avoided at all costs.

As Steve writes in the article, this process of directly connecting with someone is so much more enjoyable, compelling and human than inflicting a line on a stranger in a bar and then trying to decipher what their real motives are (sex, love, friendship???).

Trying to figure out what someone is like on the inside when they’re intoxicated, poorly lit, and shouting is a recipe for disaster.

There is still a stigma about online dating or long-distance relationships. In my experience I didn’t find that to be the case. By directly connecting and quickly engaging in deep conversations, my girlfriend and I both avoided the “game” of dating and moved directly to determining whether or not we had sufficient compatibility.

I’m proud to say that my girlfriend and I have been together for two and half years and we’ve built a close, caring relationship. We’ve both made our relationship our #1 priority. As a result, it has paid better dividends than any investment or any other way I could have invested my time/energy/money.

My advice is: be yourself upfront and avoid “games” at all costs. Your geeky, honest self is the best thing you have to offer to anyone who has the privilege of connecting with you.

Thank you for reading.

To read more about building relationships, click here.

Jan

12

Birthday Significance

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My birthdays haven’t been very special since I graduated college.  My last special birthday (with friends) was when I turned 21. Since then, I have spent nearly all birthdays alone and not really done much of anything.  I don’t really seem to mind since many of my closest friends are those that I speak to on the phone or connect with via e-mail.  Going out drinking in a loud bar is not my idea of a great evening.

Yesterday was my girlfriend’s birthday.  While I remembered to get her gifts and spend time with her, I didn’t realize how much her birthday meant to her.

I often find myself still operating in bachelor mode, where such things are no big deal.  However, when she told me that my birthday was a big deal to her since it is a day celebrating “the birth of me”, I laughed and realized I was pretty lucky to have someone think about it like that.

My girlfriend also helped me recognize the joy of Christmas.  Even though I am not Christian and do not celebrate the holiday with religious activities, to her it symbolizes love for family and appreciation for all that we have.

Her joy about birthdays and Christmas are great examples of her good spirit, and, rather than resisting her enthusiasm, I find it far more enjoyable to end my bah-humbug attitude about birthdays and join her in celebration.

Life is too short to not enjoy each possible day, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant.

To read more about relationships, click here.

Jan

6

Goal Setting Methodology

Filed Under Intellectual Honesty | 1 Comment

I normally jot down some goals for the New Year in no particular order, however, this year I am doing something different and setting goals based on their order of their importance.

Relationship/Family goals are coming first, followed by Work Goals, then Health Goals, and then the rest.

I realize there are benefits and detriments to writing down goals, however, I feel that seeing these goals on a daily basis will help me remember my priorities. I have too great of a relationship and a family to screw it up with complacency.

Thanks for reading.

To read more about deliberate practice, click here.